Friday, 18 November 2011

How to Survive the Apocalypse Part 2: Kittens

Now that I have bread, I need to make sure I survive. This means looking after both my physical and mental wellbeing. After all it would be all too easy to dissolve into a quivering pool of traumatised uselessness due to all the horrors I've witnessed (horrors are an inevitable part of any apocalypse) and as I'm sure you know this would not be conducive to good bread making.

The answer to this is of course: kittens.

Kitten therapy is my primary coping mechanism for dealing with things. After a long, hard day at work you come home feeling all angry and stressed. Then you watch this video:

If that didn't make you feel better, you either had a really shitty day (in which case watch this video too, then maybe this; and in dire situations this), or you're a sociopath.

Of course post-apocalypse there will be no YouTube from which you can get your daily dose of kitten shenanigans; as such you will need a constant supply of actual live kittens. For this a male and female cat will be necessary, along with scratchposts, mousey toys and some Barry White.

Of course you will also need food for all your cats and kittens, but I'd assume that if the cats you've bred from made it through the apocalypse they're probably pretty good hunters so they should be able to feed themselves. Plus you might even be lucky enough to get a tasty mouse or rat left for you as a gift!

The benefits of kittens don't just stop at mental wellbeing either, according to some research they can also help to heal broken bones and muscle damage. Sprained your ankle running form zombies? Sleep under a pile of kittens; you'll be better by the morning.*

If it's a choice between a first aid kit and a first aid kitten, kitten wins every time.

*This does not constitute actual medical advice, or for that matter sensible advice. But it would be totally awesome to be covered in kittens.

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